fever of unknown origin: August 2005

RIP, Master.

In Memorium: Robert Moog

IN MEMORY OF ROBERT MOOG (1934-2005)

Robert Moog unplugged the final patchcord on August 21, 2005.

40 years after its creation, the name Moog is still synonymous with “synthesizer” for many people. There were synthesizers before Robert Moog's creation, but his instrument was among the first to embody real-time performance characteristics. In the 1960s, Moog-driven songs like "Popcorn" were commercial hits and Walter Carlos's Switched-On Bach created a fire storm of critical acclaim and controversy. In the seventies, the Moog helped launch space music and the Mini-Moog became the instrument of choice for progressive rock and fusion keyboard players. Today the Moog is enjoying a revival with retro-space, ambient lounge and techno musicians. Remember the man who shaped the soundscape of the last 40 years with his innovative instruments.

RIP as you compose with the celestial giants, Master.

The goddess and personhood

The Bible creates the Devil as a distortion of its own image (mortal ego mind) and fosters deception in the world through the deceit of Jehovha. This illusionary device continues to maintain the patriarchal stage of consciousness...Look no further for the location of hell than the creative abuse of Divine Mind right here on earth...for purposes of magickal operation it is indefensible for Gnostic Pagans to support governments of the old order--or more specifically...to its leaders who continue to perpetrate fraud and misery on humanity... In our ritualization and realization of Gnosis, we...do not require an externalized leadership structure to guide us on our voyage through the Infinite.
In the New Aeon the traditional male element of Fire and Sensation (Shiva) has reversed with the female element (Shakti) of Water and Emotion. Translated to biological (historic) reality, this indicates that women will continue to assume a more active and direct role...men will connect to a more spiritualized mode--and together...men and women will learn to co-operate in an organic process of human evolution.
Thus the Prison of Patriarchy withers away...
Pagan Gnosticism is the search for truth in every magick, mystery, miracle and "fact."

http://www.gnostics.com/gnostics%20html/more.html

My ex is slowly going insane with this. His version of this truth exists in SCREW anything that moves to achieve enlightenment. ( refer to the simonina gnostics) Well, maybe with all the STI's out there, it could happen. He is not too discriminating,.
Yet, what about seeing the cat's eyes in the pool? The electric hug? Not of this earth.
And fire/sensation (Shiva) is him, while water and emotion (Shakti) is me. I am attempting to achieve a more active and direct role while he is trying to connect to a more spiritualized role.
Maybe he is not so insane.

When will I be able to refelct my own light? When will I cease to define myself by the measure of another's yardstick? when will I, too, attain personhood? What do I:

think
believe
feel
perceive
dream
judge
interpret
disdain
hope for
STAND FOR!!!

i THINK i KNOW, AND THEN i DON'T KNOW.

who am i

it hits me with shocking gut wrenching clarity that i have no clue who i am. all this time i have been what i thought others have expected me to be. and here i am and wonder where that is.

what now?

i guess that is as good a start as any, but now i am left wondering whatthefuck? where to now? do i just dog paddle around this sea of confusion until inspiration slams its wave of insight into me? do i go down for the count realizing that drowning is not too bad of a way to go? do i swim like hell and hope i can find shore, recognizable shore? or will i recognize anything?

do i look up and see the stars and wonder what comes after and beyond?

Welcome to the Chukchi Wasteland

A Word from Omar

The world has achieved brilliance without wisdom, power without conscience.
-Gen. Omar Bradley

100 years of psychotherapy & the world's getting worse

Not just any talk is conversation; not just any talk raises consciousness. Good conversation has an edge: it opens your eyes to something, quickens your ears. And good conversation reverberates: it keeps on talking in your mind later in the day; the next day, you find yourself still conversing with what was said. That reverberation afterward is the very raising of consciousness; your mind's been moved. You are at another level with your reflections.

-james hillman & michael ventura

Arctic Nurse Blog-FUO defined

The fever of unknown origin (FUO) , for all you non-nurse types who might want to know, is an oft-used diagnosis when nothing else will do. It is used, especially with pediatric patients to incorporate utilizing antibiotics and to prolong medical billing. ..especially nice for those medicaid patients. While many times an infectious agent can be identified by lab tests and various bodily substance cultures, many times it cannot. Now that bacteria have learned to mutate faster than antibiotics can kill them* it is only a matter of time before nanogenetics are evolved enough to form nanobacteriods that will become TOTALLY impervious to ANYTHING we throw at them.

Another defining term for this blog might be that FUO is the state of permanance (temperance? tolerance?) resulting from living and working in a society that is so ill on so many levels that an altered or gray (fever) state is required to mentally draw the veil over what is , in order to function as one will. Fever is the body's way of telling us that something is wrong, please fix it, we want to return to homeostasis. From the Latin febris, 'to burn'.
Perhaps sustaining a fevered state is the way to burn through?
But sustained fever can cause. drain bamage.

TOO LATE!

* hu-mons are outnumbered by bugs some 20 billion to one. We cannot win